May 27. 2026 . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

Today it feels like my thoughts are moving too quickly. It is wednesday which is mercury day and mercury is the planet of communication, so this could be a factor at play. However, I believe it has more to do with the past memories ive been processing while simultanously trying to reconcile some percieved mistake I made recently.

I do not understand why I continue to beat myself up when I do something that feels wrong. I know it comes from the harsh discipline I experienced as a child I just cant understand why, well into my 30's I still seem to carry that voice with me. The one thats says I shouldve known better or I am mean or evil because I upset someone else. Maybe this points to my empathetic and compassionate side that I really didnt mean to upset someone. Other witnesses even said that I did the right thing in the moment but I feel "bad" even after that reassurance like I need to reconcile or make something right.

Perhaps too this is the people pleaser tendancy within me to. I need to stand in my power and accept that I did the right thing in that moment even if it didnt feel right. It feels like beating myself up over it is trying to take away my power - My judgement or discernment. I made a choice and it felt like the right choice in the moment. The empathy of placing myself in that persons shoes is whats making me second guess myself. If someone told me that I would probably be upset with them. I also believe that it could have very well been helpful for them as well.

Someone said something harsh to me one time and it shook me awake. If i think about it in this way maybe its actually a beneficial situation. The person didnt reply in a rude manner but more of a hey theres other ways to think about this. Which is what I try to do for people too. It's part of this work. part of the healing process. To become aware of our shadows and whats holding us back. Mercy and severity create a balance. We are sensitive beings and maybe thats okay too.