May 11. 2026 . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

This is a divination reflecton. It's monday which is a nice day for practicing divination I pulled the 5 of swords which discusses betrayal it shows an image of a woman being stabbed in the back by two swords and a man walking away with three other swords in his arms. Reflecting on betrayal its something that I have experienced a lot of in my past. It's not something I like to talk about but I dated a heroin addict once and the aftermath of that relationship was really difficult. I didnt talk about it for a long time. He stole a lot of my physical belongings, money, he lied to me constantly, and that further eroded my ability to trust people. That wasnt even the beginging of this wound. My father lied to me constantly and manipulated my thought process when I expressed my needs to him he ignored them and made me do things that he wanted me to do. This pattern has been showing up in my relationships because I feel like im constantly on the lookout for lies and when one slight misstep happenens I catastrophize it to protect myself from being manipulated again. This has another side to it though because I probably also emotionally manipulate people when I do feel slighted by them because I want them to realize the error or harm they did, but I dont think its directed at them and their small slight, its all the pent up emotions that I want my father to apologize for or own up to, and I have to accept that I will probably never get that closure from him. The knight of swords also appeared it depicts a man on a pegasus hes facing toward the left which is toward the past, Im reading this as being in constant battle with my past. I feel betrayed by my own father and this pattern has appeared in my relationship with men since then. I want to put down the sword I want to stop mentally looping through these experiences over and over again, it feels quite exhausting to be completely honest here. This feels so raw and emotional and I am grateful to have this space where I can put these feelings down. Its interesting to note there are five crows in both of these images as well. Five is a number of change and crows are typically seen symbolically as messengers. Perhaps writing about this here and moving this energy out of me is a sign that these thought patterns within me will begin to change now that ive acknowleged them. I also pulled an oracle card of the constellation crux whose keyword is signal. The cross to me symbolizes a cross roads especially at this time I have been working deeply with The Goddess of the crossroads Hecate to purge these old wounds and memories from my childhood. The card itself talks about or points toward mixed signals or perhaps "getting your wires crossed" which is what it feels like when I get into these arugments with men. If I continually bring the past energy into the present it creates this kind of corrosive element into an otherwise healthy relationship. This ego self stirs up problems to then be like: "see! He is the same as all the rest!" Its the internal bias. So now that ive established this pattern and shed light onto it, I am curious how to drop these swords and quit picking them back up and opening the scab or scar after the wound has already healed? The 4 of swords appears a lot in relation to this as well too. Its like I just need to accept that I have been wounded and just lie in the discomfort, but this feels like an unsatisfactory answer to the question because the girl in the image is still holding onto the sword. How can I bury it once and for all and allow myself to move through the discomfort when the wound feels triggered? Queen of pentacles revealed herself and my inital thought was to center myself in my body. Pentacles deals with the material/ physical world and the queen to me symbolizes someone firmly grounded in their physical body regardless of whats happening outside of her. She is self assured, confident and relaxed. Shes not trying to fight but rather just being present, observing the world around her. Even though the outside world may shift she is her own stabilizing force. The giant tree she is sitting on makes me think of being firmly rooted. Rooted in the safety of who she is who she has become despite the harshness of the experiences that brought her to her throne. She is no longer a child taking orders from others she is the one overseeing herself. She trusts in herself. She keeps her promises to herself.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊